What they did notice
by FutureTrunksFan94
Summary: Little snippets and side stories from my fanfic, Game of the Future. In this, I debunk popular HP fanfiction cliches, have Izaya do random stuff and just more humorous stuff that didn't make it into the actual work.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Seeing as my story 'What you don't notice' got so much attention, I may as well write another side-story/interesting selections of potential stories on Harry/Izaya. The first, here, is a well-done and cliched take on 'Drag Harry Potter back from where he is land and make him be the savior.' Featuring Great Old DumbasaDoorKnob, who in canon wasn't that cunning, who can now use evil cauldron bubbles to spy on a prepubescent teenager, idiotic Weasleys...and Izaya himself!**

 **What They Did Notice: A sequel of sorts (Chapter 1: We Want Our Savior Back; plays on common cliches of Weasley Bashing, Potter Bashing, and Dumbassdore bashing)**

* * *

From the start of his life, it didn't take the Boy-Who-Lived, Edwin Potter, time to notice several odd things about his parents, Lily and James Potter. I mean, sure he was, the fucking Boy Who Lived and rich and powerful and famous and got love from his parents.

But he was pretty sure good parents didn't hit their son for trying to ask questions about his dead brother, who had been murdered trying to save him from Voldemort. IF anything, Edwin noticed how not only did they try to erase most signs of Harry from their house, they also acted like they couldn't even remember anything about their own living son.

It wasn't every day that James or Lily would mix up his name, calling him Harry or something else. He'd grown used to seeing Lily moan over Harry, James saying that it was a pity Harry was dead, Harry this, Harry that. For a while, he'd been jealous, wondering if his brother had been nothing more than a spoiled brat.

By the time Edwin Potter was age ten, he was hating being called the Boy Who Lived, both because of the disgusting ways the public tried to react to him and because of how they treated his former sibling's memory.

"Now, Edgar, get your things, we need to meet with Albus right away!"

Right, right, savior business.

"My name's Edwin, dad."

"Right, Edward."

And this year, he'd only gotten a hat for Christmas from his father and a card from his mother. Apparently, being with Dumbledore mattered more than their own son. Suddenly, he wondered if they were lying about his sibling being dead.

No wonder he preferred being around the Weasleys, they were more like a real family. Although, the constant sucking up to him was rather disturbing. The girl, Ginny, had the most disgustingly obvious stalker crush on him.

"Can I hold the great Edwin's things?" She said. "Whoops, if I wanna look more cunning, I'm gonna have to do it better!"

As if she would ever voice those nefarious thoughts out loud. Edwin knew the Weasley family wanted to poison his family to get a hold of their precious vaults that were apparently over a million years old, with knowledge on everything from trees to Pepsi and Muggle companies.

HA! If they wanted to be nefarious, they'd have to do a better job at it. Edwin drank his orange juice-and promptly passed out from it being spiked with a love potion.

Behind him, Molly Weasley laughed demonically, pressing her hands together as she thought of the cutest outfits she could get for Ginny and Edwin, embarrassing her daughter, who loudly demanded that at least she wanted Edwin to agree to the marriage, and for it to happen when he was much older than fifteen bloody years old!

Arthur Weasley sighed. "Molly, if you want to act obviously evil, I'll be on my way to the Ministry of Magic, which I wouldn't work at if I were some kind of child abusing, idiotic person."

"Dumbbelldore works there," Fred and George said at once.

"Show respect!" Molly screeched.

"Not where it comes to him, he's a scuzzball." Fred and George said, trading knowing smirks.

It had not yet come to pass on dinnertime at Edwin's house when it was informed that a mysterious visitor would be coming to visit them.

"Who could it be, Dad, Mom? A death Eater?"

'Here to make my family notice me and stop being clueless idiots?'

"Don't talk like that, Edward! You're not Slytherin!"

"My name's Edwin!"

"Do as he says, honey," Lily said, in a thoroughly exasperated voice.

The doorbell rang about fifteen times.

"Don't people know to apparate?" Lily said, opening the door, only to find herself at knife point.

"Hello there, I didn't think I'd be running into you people."

Edwin blinked. "Come again?" He said. What had the other just said?

The tall, dark-haired young man with red eyes (who the hell has eyes that color?) chuckled before he made his way over to Edwin, "Ah, and you must be my estranged cousin, Edwin! Pleasure to meet you, Ed-kun." He shook hands with the weird man, eying the silver rings on his fingers.

"Who the hell are you?" James boomed, "We didn't invite any people here-"

"Oh, come on now, isn't family allowed to visit family, Okaasan...Otousan...?" He said, brandishing a tiny object...a wand! This man was a wizard. He twirled it around in the air before he sighed. "You two are truly thick-headed, aren't you?"

"Get out of our house!" James cried.

The young man suddenly kicked James backwards, barely blinking. "...Is that any way to greet your son?" He smirked at them all, "Now, I suppose I shall make my way to my seat and greet my brother."

"...Harry?" Lily was the first to break the silence.

The young man tilted his head, and shrugged. "I'm sorry, but that boy died a long time ago. The day you were all foolish enough to abandon him. To child abusing monsters."

"Impossible, my son is dead!"

The red-eyed man glared at him.

"...Edwin, let me introduce myself properly. I am...an informant in Japan, Izaya Orihara, but some call me the dim-witted name of Harry Potter, which I do not go by. Attempts to have me go by such a name will result in that person's subsequent painful death."

"Why are you a Muggle? You've disgraced this family!" James hissed.

Izaya lazily dodged James and smirked. "I have no attachments to you, or to this world. All I have to say is one little thing and your precious world falls apart."

"Harry-" Lily began, but Izaya glared at her.

"True mothers don't abandon their children on a child abuser's doorstep and leave them to be tortured until they manage to escape and somehow become part of a family traveling from Japan and get adopted. You lied to him, telling him I'd died protecting him from Voldemort. Your parents lied to you, Edwin."

He raised his hand to Edwin.

"Come on, Edwin, I know a nice place for us; they can never follow us there. I'll make sure of it."

"Don't you even think about taking our son!" Lily said.

Izaya sneered. "Why, you're going to Muggle prison. Both of you. I'm afraid the Dursleys won't be responding anymore."

Before they could say anything, Izaya waved the wand and they both disappeared.

From that day on, no one questioned why Izaya Orihara suddenly had a new assistant named Kishi Orihara, or why he sometimes spoke in a British tone. People figured it was just his eccentric nature.

Part II: In "Getting Izaya to help the Wizarding World...Or Not..."

Izaya looked up in boredom. Was Severus here again? He'd sworn he'd nailed do not disturb on his door again.

There he was.

"No soliciting," Izaya said cheerfully, "So you can go jump off that nearest building."

"Potter, you will-"

Izaya smirked. "Haruna-chan~!"

No one wondered where Severus Snape had gone, even though now he served Saika and was loyal to Izaya only.

"Mr. Potter, you will return to Hogwarts at once," Albus Dumbledore repeated seriously, the Hogwarts teachers looking at Izaya and Shizuo in grave disbelief. "Ditch the Muggle clothing. You are a wizard."

"Nope, I'm afraid I'm heading back home," Izaya said before beckoning to Shizuo and Celty. "Take care of the trash for me, will you? I'm headed back home for a nap."

"Mr. Potter-"

"Call me that again, old man and you'll be dead." Izaya said.

"You have a prophecy that states-"

Shizuo's massive fist collided with Dumbledore.

"YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, THAT'S WHAT!"

With that, the poor Headmaster died of a rather grievous heart attack out of fear of Shizuo Heiwajima.

"Hello, Mister," A young dark-haired girl said to a Death Eater. The Death Eater barely had time to react before Akane tazed him and he fell over.

"Hey, Iza-nii, do you think we'll be done with this before dinner?" Mairu and Kururi chirped, karate-chopping various Death Eaters.

Beside them, Mikage and Izumii were having fun beating up various Death Eaters.

Vorona was helping take out some trash as well, with Chikage and his gangsters there, helping.

Saika and her children were assisting as well.

"These idiots are disgusting." Masaomi said, knocking out yet another henchman.

"Where's Izaya at?" Mikado spoke, having set another person on fire.

Izaya and Voldemort faced off, Shizuo right by Izaya and Celty there, too.

"Harry Potter, your Muggle force has overwhelmed us. Nonetheless, you will die by my hands."

Celty raised her scythe-and then suddenly, the second Celty's scythe touched Voldemort, he screamed and disappeared.

'Did I just kill the most powerful person in the world?' Celty wrote.

"Remind me never to anger her," Izaya said to Shizuo.


	2. Chapter 2 Izaya at hogwarts

**A/N: This next chapter covers how exactly Izaya and Shizuo would have done at Hogwarts, Izaya being his snarky self and all. Since this is a crack fic, technology works at Hogwarts and it's not serious, so normally it wouldn't.**

 **Chapter Two Izaya Orihara at Hogwarts**

Izaya groaned and stood up. For some reason, he was back at the Burrow, with Shizuo beside him. Izaya was still the same age as he always was. Why wouldn't he be?

"Flea, who the fuck are all these people?" He growled, pointing to the red-headed family that was crowded around Izaya and Shizuo.

"You can kindly go away," Izaya spat, glaring at all of the idiots before him.

"I thought you said the time traveling spell would deage him! He still looks like an adult!" Molly moaned, looking at Izaya as though praying that Izaya would morph back into the bespectacled, idiotic boy he'd once been.

"Now, Molly, relax. Now that we've found Mr. Potter, all it will take are a few good spells to erase his memories and make him our puppet again. All you have to do is get Ron and Ginny to wheedle their way back into Harry's favor."

Izaya used his knife to cut through the trap they'd bounded him and Shizuo in before appearing on top of one of the Weasley's cupboards, smiling, holding his switchblade above him.

"Sorry, what was that I heard about groom a young child to be your puppet? Too bad, because I'm not buying it."

Everyone looked puzzled. "What did he just say?"

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, looking at Izaya in impatience, "Kindly come down from there and you and your-friend-will help us with your fifth year at Hogwarts. There is a reason we have time traveled, after all."

"If that's so, how come I don't look little?" Izaya sneered. "Your magic needs some work, Dumbassdore."

"You will show respect, Potter!" Snape growled. "Get down from there this instant."

A chair was suddenly thrown across the room.

"Leave the flea alone or I'll kill all of you!"

From the killing intent emitting from the blond, Snape froze upon seeing the blond man so close to him.

"I can snap that puny little thing in your hands in an instant." Shizuo growled. "Leave Izaya alone."

"Mr. Potter, get down from there." Dumbledore said patiently, as though expecting obedience.

Instead, what he got was a chess piece thrown right at his head.

"Fuck off, that's your answer. I'm going to sleep until I go back to my own time." Izaya purred, curling up into a ball.

"Harry!"

Familiar voices.

* * *

Izaya tilted his head in boredom as Ron, Ginny and Hermione approached.

"I thought you said he would be younger, so I could marry him!" Ginny moaned. "Even though I hate the idea of marrying him."

"Golly, mate, what the hell happened to your fashion sense?" Ron said, eyeing Izaya up and down in fear.

Izaya chuckled darkly. "Let's make an announcement here. The name is Izaya Orihara. Any attempts to call me Harry will result in Shizu-chan here or myself ending your miserable existences." He motioned with his switchblade.

No one spoke.

"I am a Muggle, I will not be using magic, I expect to be treated as the adult I have been living as for the past ten years."

With that, Izaya flipped open his cell phone and started texting, ignoring the wizards for the rest of the day.

"Mate!"

Izaya turned around to face Ron.

"If it isn't the miserable little jealous baka, Ron-kun, driven to jealousy, enough to kill his own friend." He purred, smiling at Ron dangerously.

Ron shuddered. "Want-to playachessgame?"

"What?" Izaya said.

"Isaiddoyouwanttoplayachessgame?" Ron said, all in one word.

Several turns later, Ron sat, defeated, as Izaya twirled the pieces. For some reason, the pieces fled from his touch.

"Use your magic, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore scolded.

Izaya glared at him. "The name is Izaya Orihara."

"How the hell did you-" Ron began, "You cheated!"

"This is pure knowledge, Ron. Something that your idiotic school can't teach you."

Part 2: Dolores Umbridge knows true pain after running into Izaya Orihara

Dolores Umbridge did not like children. She especially did not like the idea of the runaway Harry Potter, having returned to school this year, after disgracing himself. What a cowardly boy.

"Returning to Hogwarts, we have young Mr. Harry Potter, who is not a student, but rather an assistant to Dolores Umbridge. Mr. Potter has been living among Muggles-Mr. Potter!"

Izaya looked up, from the computer game he was playing. "What did I miss?"

The whole school was looking at him in disbelief.

"You are hereby authorized to apologize to your classmates for leaving them."

Izaya stood up, but not before Dumbledore's chair suddenly collapsed beneath him as a familiar blond-haired man threw it across the room, smashing it.

"My name now is Izaya Orihara~any and all attempts to call me Harry Potter will result in my torturing you to death. Any questions?" He said, grinning maliciously at everyone.

Draco Malfoy spoke up.

"Ha, Potter is so afraid of magic that he deserted it to become a mere Muggle! Disgusting!"

A knife was thrown at Malfoy, who barely dodged.

"Any other stupidity?" Izaya said, smiling.

No one spoke.

He smiled and returned to eating his regular dinner, avoiding anything with magic in it.

Dolores Umbridge did not like this at all.

For starters, why was Harry Potter older than he should be? Why were his eyes red, where were his glasses and why was he dressed like a Muggle?

She did not like the way the young man followed her, cackling insanely, chanting stuff under his breath.

"Hem, hem, like I was saying, Voldemort is not returning-"

"Hem hem~!"

Umbridge looked around and spotted Potter sitting there, imitating her position.

"Nothing, do carry on, Umbridge-chan."

"Your impudence is disgusting! Detention!"

"You can't assign detention to me, as I'm not a student." Izaya said, smiling and spinning around in his chair.

"Stop spinning in the chair!" Umbridge cried.

Izaya continued spinning.

"I said to stop it at once!" Umbridge cried.

"Potter's gone mad!" A student said.

Izaya continued to spin.

"Something wrong, Umbridge-chan?" He said, smirking visibly.

She looked puce with rage. "You will see me in my office."

"Of course I will," He replied shortly, getting up, "Just to let you know, Dolores-chan looks very ugly without any clothes on."

"YOU LITTLE-"

But Izaya had used parkour to jump out the window.

"Mr. Orihara, we need to talk!"

"About _what?_ " A loud crunch could be heard as Izaya plopped some chips in his mouth and continued reading the pages of a manga.

"About your insubordination! You have disciplined the Slytherins!"

"They were being stupid, so I hung them upside down from a tree, by their boxers, it was funny." He said with a laugh.

"You also found it funny to stain my clothing!"

"Pink is such a dull color," Izaya remarked, examining his nails. "And?"

"And? Muggles are not to be imitated!" She shrieked. "Do you want me to use a blood quill on you?"

"Oh, I see now, you're that kind of person, Umbridge-san," Izaya purred, vacating his chair and walking over to her. "I'm an informant~capeesh, what that means is I know everything about you. Every single little thing I know can be used against you. As long as you do what I ask, I won't reveal anything."

"You little Muggle scum!" Umbridge shrieked, but the next thing she knew, a knife was pointed straight at her throat.

"I'll tell the rest of the world you're a furry who likes doing it with cats."

"Don't tell anyone!" Umbridge wailed, looking very embarrassed.

"I won't, not yet anyway." Izaya said.

His cackle could be heard all the way where Filch was working.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, you have missed every single meeting I have arranged with you." Dumbledore said, watching Izaya throwing water balloons at students with Peeves, both of them laughing out loud.

"I like this new Potter, he's fun as can be!" Peeves chanted.

"Mind throwing that water balloon at the Headmaster?"

A few seconds later, Dumbledore's office was now soaking wet.

"Mr. Potter, you are to behave accordingly. You are the savior of our world."

"And you have the smallest penis in the world."

Dumbledore stared at him.

"Don't think I don't know about that. I know everything about you, Dumbassdore. I'm not powerless anymore." He said.

"Ms. Chang wants to see you."

"I'm not into pedophilia. See you around, Dumbassdore-san."

Dumbledore cursed out loud upon seeing some rather lewd pictures of him on the Internet that Izaya had posted.

Draco did not like this new Potter. This new Potter was terrifyingly Slytherin. He threw pranks, laughed maniacally when torturing students and acted so insane that it was frightening.

"What are you doing, scarhead?" He said to the young man, who was talking to himself.

"I'm talking to my friend."

"You have friends now, Potter?"

Upon seeing a tall blond-haired man with sunglasses step in front of Draco, slamming his fists together.

Draco shuddered.

"Say hello to Shizu-chan for me. Oh, and good night, Malfoy-kun."

Malfoy wound up in the hospital for a month.

Fred and George Weasley loved this new Harry. Time traveling version of him or not, he was terrifyingly good at playing Exploding Snap and at playing pranks. He was so humorous and clever now that they rather liked that about him.

"Harry, you can't just go doing whatever you want!" Hermione scolded.

The young man was sitting bored, swinging his legs backward and forward, typing on his cell phone.

"You can't use technology here."

"Shut up! Who was that, oh no one in particular, just an idiot."

Hermione stormed off, furious.

Kreacher did not like this new Potter. This new Potter smelled like blood and death.

He had become a true Slytherin.

"Oh, Kreacher-kun~," That devilish voice called out.

"Yes? What can Kreacher do for filthy Muggle?"

"Bring me Dolores Umbridge, please. I need someone to torture."

Kreacher jumped up and down with glee. "Oh, yes, Master will truly please Kreacher's mistress with that attitude."

No one ever found Umbridge until a month had passed.

The Death Eaters stared at the man before them, who had been cackling insanely to himself.

"Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear anything over we're such stupid idiots that we have to kill a harmless Muggle like the one before me!" He taunted, having slashed through one wizard.

"Death Eaters, meet Shizu-chan."

Shizuo stood before them, cracking his fists.

Several moments later, a crumpled heap of Death Eaters lay, defeated.

"How can we be outdone by Muggles?" Lucius moaned.

"Simple, your whole world works on an illogical belief." Izaya said.

Suddenly Izaya awoke from his dream.

"Thank goodness that never happened," He muttered to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Shall we have another chapter of Izaya humiliating the wizards, or smartass Harry/Izaya? Izarry kicks ass. I am on the seventh book and I'm still kinda bored by the books but amazed at how my opinion on Dumbledore has changed. I still think he's a manipulative idiot but the book has me a changed person. I now believe that bashing is kinda silly but fun for whatever purpose you want it to serve, heh heh.**

 **So here we have the next chapter. Some Dumbledore bashing abounds, but this time we take a look at what Izaya's life would have been like at Hogwarts if he had been that clever the whole time he was there. By that, I mean being a badass and sociopath, of course. :D**

 **Chapter 3 Izaya Orihara and the Half-Witted Wizards**

* * *

Harry Potter had not been an ordinary person. From the time he was little, he displayed signs of extreme intelligence, but he was also a sociopath. This freaked Petunia Dursley out so much that she did her best to not piss off her nephew. This doubled once he somehow figured out that he was not normal.

It had all started one fine summer day when the boy was only five and preparing them some breakfast. Back then, he had been a freak, but he had been normal. Until that very second, where her normality was shattered into pieces.

Her dear Dinky Duddy-dums had woken up and loudly told the freak to make them some bacon as he was very hungry. The boy had done as he was asked, but not without a few odd looks in Dudley's direction. He almost had a predatory look on his face.

"Boy, is the bacon ready?" Uncle Vernon yelled.

The boy didn't flinch, instead he looked at him and said, "Calm down old man. It'll be ready soon." In a voice that was unfeeling. Where had he learned to talk like that?

Instantly, Vernon lashed out with his fists, but the boy dodged quickly.

"I don't like you. You're mean. Maybe you should learn a lesson."

Instantly, Vernon turned puce with rage and picked the boy up, and punched him hard in the face. The boy fell to the floor but got back up, still smiling.

"Hit me again. See where it gets you." He challenged, his green eyes glinting with some emotion Petunia could not place.

"You little brat, you're going to go back and make us some food."

But then Vernon started screaming a second later, for the boy had somehow gotten his hands on a knife and slashed Vernon's arm precisely.

"Are you going to make me angry again, Uncle?" He said calmly, not even bothered.

Petunia knew then that the second he smiled while holding a knife in his hand, that he was even worse than a freak. He was...a sociopath. Oh god.

She watched him serve the bacon to everyone, but he still carried the knife in his hands. "Uncle, Aunt, let's all get along now. You wouldn't want me angry now, would you?"

"Where did you learn to use such a weapon?" Petunia barked.

"Your fine little Dudders and his gang use knives on animals. Thought you should know."

The horrified look Petunia shot Dudley was enough to make the child shudder and shake, denying that it was the truth.

"You're lying!" Petunia said.

Harry shrugged before lifting out a plastic bag with the body of a dead animal in it. "Dudley you did this, remember?"

Instantly, Petunia punished both of them. Though she loved Duddy-dums, she wasn't going to let him be influenced by a sociopathic freak.

"Sociopath," She hissed at him.

"What does that word mean?" He asked.

"Don't ask questions, just do your chores!" She snapped.

"Yes, ma'am!" He said, bowing.

She was taken aback by this show of respect, missing that it was incredibly sarcastic in nature.

Hagrid was not a stupid man. He was smart enough to understand that there was something wrong with Harry Potter, just a little bit.

For one thing, the boy was intelligent. Quite intelligent, really.

And very charming. Not like that was a bad thing, right?

"Harry, what's that you've got there?" He asked the boy, as the other was walking in Diagon Alley with him.

Harry looked away from him before pulling out some coins from his vault. "Just some coins, sir."

He swore he had seen the kid with something, but he put it out of his mind.

Draco Malfoy had not been expecting Harry Potter to be like this.

The boy showed barely any emotion, excelled at most of his classes (except for potions, of course) and seemed to be every teacher's favorite student.

"Oi, Potter," He said, trying to get the boy's attention.

However, the boy was too busy cutting something up with...a Muggle weapon?

He blinked, but before he could react, the boy looked at him and smiled.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone. Or else you'll be sorry." He chirped.

Draco shuddered, but proceeded to do as the boy asked.

Tom Riddle was most surprised to meet Harry Potter face to face.

Instead of the naive, heroic boy he'd been expecting, he got a cold, silent boy who just listened to what he had to say before laughing.

"I'm sorry, I completely disagree with you. Destroying this world and destroying all the people in it, what fun is there in that? It's more fun playing with them, if you ask me."

Tom was silent, and then he decided he needed to dispose of the boy. If he wasn't a pureblood, then he was no use.

Seconds later, the boy dodged the Basilisk and then used the sword of Gryffindor to cut it clean in two. Smirking, he pointed at the diary. "I think you need this, Tom. Or maybe I'll just destroy it."

He picked up the sword and plunged it into the diary, destroying it and Tom without a trace.

* * *

Sirius Black was troubled.

They'd time traveled to bring his nephew back from where he'd been living as a Muggle, and instead they'd been gifted with a pure and utter sociopath. What bad luck they had.

The boy was sitting there, humming to himself, just having a good time as he cut holes in some paper with his knife.

"Harry," He asked, "Can I speak with you?"

The man looked at him before smirking.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" He said.

"I am concerned about your health."

"My health is just fine, godfather. Seeing as you don't really care about me unless it has to do with what Dumbassdore says, you can go to hell and stop bugging me."

Sirius stared at him in disbelief before he turned away.

"Hello, Mr. Potter, I'm Rita Skeeter, here to ask you if you want an interview. What is it like living as a Muggle?" Rita said, sticking her notepad in Izaya's face.

"It's fun living as a Muggle because I'm away from all of you idiots. And no, I do not want an interview from a contemptible shrew like you who will just distort my words anyway."

Rita looked on in shock before slapping Izaya.

He just smiled.

"You wizards are pathetic."


End file.
